(Typing this after playing tennis with Anup,
Varun, my brother, Gokul, and Shashank- Labor Day weekend)
At night every day, write down thoughts that you feel are
worthy of mentioning. This is a way to keep track of what’s been on your mind
lately. Intimacy is simple. It’s how much you reveal of your inner more
personal thoughts and feelings to others. There are friends of all kinds. Some
of which we are closer to than others. Those closer to us have more similar
values, thoughts, and feelings. I really care about intimacy in relationships.
Friends that I play basketball with but some of whom I feel a certain amount of
struggle to create more depth in the conversations and ultimately the
relationship.
One thing I have noticed of my friend whom I am close with
is that in regards to the question, “how have you been?”, his response is never
just, “fine” or “okay”. He close to always gives a response that is unique in
comparison to the standard “oh I’m doing alright” response. His response always
reveals how he has been feeling and thinking lately. Just yesterday I met up
with him and asked him, “how have you been?” and he responded with a minimum
of, “surprisingly bored”. I don’t believe he plans his responses and I feel he
is very honest in the fact that he will tell you what he has been thinking and
feeling lately on a more personal level. I’ve always admired his choice and ability
to reveal himself on a personal level. I’ve been stumped in situations where
I’d respond with the standard lie, “oh I’m doing alright”. This response
reveals nothing about what you’ve been thinking and feeling lately. I know for
myself, when asked the question of, “how have you been?”, my mind cannot
remember the more personal thoughts that I am preoccupied with when alone and
feelings that I experience when alone. I’ve dreamed of having a machine that automatically
writes down all the thoughts I have as I have them. This way I can pull up what
I’ve been thinking lately and analyze and understand the content and go through
the logic and my train of thought as well. This is something I need to work on
if I want to develop more intimacy in relationships. Well here’s my list for
tonight then:
-
I admire the fact that my friend can reveal and
connect with people on a more personal level than the relationships that most
friends who hang out in big groups do.
-
I want to get better at revealing my inner more
personal thoughts and feeling comfortably because I fear not being able to
experience relationships like this one anymore
-
Take advantage of the question, “how are you”
and “how have you been?” Really answer these questions honestly. Do not just
give the standard lie. Instead of saying, “alright” say, “I feel more
comfortable and used to using and filling up the free time I have out of class
at USF. Before school started I worried what I would be doing with my time. I
may not have been using my time very productively but I’m not just sitting
around bored out of my mind either…” This would be a much better response as it is honest, revealing, and helpful
for the conversation as it helps the listener get a better idea of my thoughts
and emotions and be able to connect with them better.
-
Keep track and jot down your thoughts that you
find of importance to be more in touch with what you have been thinking and
feeling lately. Potential antidote since I commonly forget what I’ve been thinking and feeling
when asked this question and initially engaged in social situations (more often
than not, my inner thoughts and feelings I have when I am alone begin to
resurface to my consciousness and awareness after some time conversing in a
social situation).
Done typing at Sunday; September 2, 2012; 12:54 AM
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