A Fire in My Heart

I haven't posted anything on here for a while, even though life has not been without its challenges. Since around February or so of this year, I've been slowly adjusting to the idea of going off on my own, and having my own life. Between me and my brother I mean. I wish the best for him, AND I need to start having my own life. A life where I am not concerned about what he is doing. I need a life where I am so enveloped in what I am doing and what is going on around me, that I naturally focus on what's going on around me. I need that. I guess this year, so far, for me has been about leaving behind the world of schooling, and into the work force and real world. It has been challenging, feeling like people are going their own ways. Partly wishing the people around me would stay the same, and only I change, for the better. But life doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. Things are going on around me that I can't control. And I have to leave them in God's hands. People moving away. Relationships changing. Being on my own for lots of the time. Trying to get into a hobby that isn't easy to learn: rock climbing, while knowing and praying that my near future of what I have dreamed and day dreamed about in some capacity or another, comes true. My dream of traveling to far flung places around the world, to help people in a meaningful way, and to leave my imprint on them, seems like a strong day dream right now. In the right moments, when I day dream/dream about it, right before I nod off into a slumber, if feels like I'm living it, and it's close, but then after basking in the satisfaction it would provide for my soul, I realize that it was just in my mind and in my heart. Just burning in my heart, waiting to manifest into a reality. When I day dream about it, it's a feeling that feels so right. It's a feeling that not only nourishes my soul, but completes the essence of who I am. In the midst of my dream, it feels so RIGHT. It feels so invigorating. It feels so SATISFYING without the feeling of lack or scarcity. It feeds my desires of adventure, travel, spontaneity, purpose, meaning, ego, and demonstrates my character and values. It's once in a lifetime. It's like nothing I could ever imagine. I'm still waiting for it. Burning for it. And until that day...I can't wait.