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| Kobe Bryant's Muse |
I just finished
watching Kobe Bryant's new documentary. This man is such an
inspiration. His vulnerability on camera exposing his inner thoughts
and feelings through his journey in life almost made me tear up. I
love this man's tenacity, his hunger, his drive. And after watching
it lying in bed, I feel compelled to get my thoughts out. You know,
this is the second time my brother has not been here in my apartment.
Earlier I was feeling abandoned to be perfectly honest. I was feeling
like he had left me for this girl. I know it's probably common place
for people my age to be in relationships honestly but I am different.
There’s a part of me that yearns to be different from others. And
after watching Muse and getting insight on Kobe's life, I feel like I
can use these times alone in an efficient manner. My main concern is
using my time wisely, effectively, efficiently. I cant stand myself
wasting my time away, especially when I feel like I'm not having a
relationship myself. I feel like if I'm missing out on something
that's supposed to be what I'm doing in my early 20's, I need to make
this time I spend by myself, WORTH IT. It MUST PAY OFF. I literally
get a feeling of depression in me when I'm doing something that will
yield me absolutely nothing in return. This feeling is heightened
especially during the last two times my brother went to go stay at
this girl's house. About that, there's a part of me that is worried
that we may be heading down separate paths. I don't want that. I hope
that we share the same life path. But decisions you make everyday are
directly impacting your life tomorrow and in the future. I have taken
up this dream that Erin Pavlina has told me about. The dream of being
part of something that is so much bigger than myself. I burn for
that. Really. I burn for that just like Kobe burned for recognition
of being the greatest basketball player. He still is burning for
that. That's the thing I believe I do have in common with Kobe. I
believe I am special. I believe I am here on this Earth to do GREAT
things. But right now I feel lost at times, wondering what I should
be doing with my time, why opportunities are not coming my way. But
that's the beauty of watching these biographical documentaries. Kobe
was not getting opportunities early on in his career either, but that
certainly wasnt the end of him. I have to believe the same for me. I
yearn to be part of something so much greater than myself. I want to
burn, to sacrifice, to toil, sweat, bleed for something as well. Kobe
bleeds for basketball. What is my basketball? My basketball is the
prophecy Erin informed me about, the journey that I'm after. But I
want that feeling NOW. I fear this momentary motivation I'm spewing
here is just that, momentary.
I can see myself in
Kobe's place. Sitting in front of that camera, imparting the wisdom
and knowledge that I've come to gain. In time perhaps. I do feel like
I may have too many goals and targets if you will. Sigh. I want to be
special. I want to be recognized for something much greater than
myself. I want to inspire others with my perseverance and dedication.
I want a life that's WORTH the pain, the lonely hours, worth the
sleepless moments, the suffering. I want IT.
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