Escapism: TV, Video Games, Porn, YouTube

Wonderful article by Brian Kim:

http://briankim.net/blog/2009/11/the-harmful-effects-of-playing-video-games/

"
It used to be video games were only played by kids. Now because of the advancement of technology in terms of realistic graphics and other factors, the market has extended to adults.

And you may be wondering what’s wrong with playing video games if you’re an adult.

The stigma is no longer there. It’s fun, it’s something to do when you get back from work, something to do with your friends when they come over, etc.

It seems harmless at first, but when you dig a bit deeper, you begin to find the subtle harmful effects of it.

First off, like any drug, it provides escape from the real world.

And there’s nothing wrong with that once in a while. We do it all the time when we watch movies or a TV show or read a novel.

But if you keep on doing that, if you keep on trying to escape the real world through video games, what do you find?

It slowly BECOMES your world.

You get addicted to it because you find the video game world much “better” than the real world.

After all, in the video game world, it doesn’t take much to become a “winner”.

To be somebody.

To be a hero.

It’s instant gratification to attain that status. Move around a joystick and press some buttons at the right time and bam – you can be somebody.

If you can be a hero in a video game, then why bother with the real world?

Why bother trying to improve when you can be a hero just by pressing some buttons at the right time?

You begin to subtly equate in your mind that becoming a hero is easy. It’s instant. And I use the hero term broadly here.

You can be a Superbowl champ. Be a leader of a clan. A general of an army.

That kind of endowment of virtual status distracts from the real world and cuts any ambition at the knees to improve in it.

Moreover, to rub more salt in the wound, you don’t even have that much time to devote in improving your life in the real world. The video games take up that precious time. And it’s not like you can cut it cold turkey. It’s meant to be addicting as well. The video game industry spends a lot of time and money to see how they can stimulate your mind to produce feel good chemicals when playing their games because after all, it’s good business. That makes you want to buy the next game and the next and the next gaming console as well, ensuring long term profits for those companies.

Young boys today are particularly susceptible to this. By constantly playing video games, they become stuck in this alternate world, where they are somebody, all the meanwhile, forgoing any desire to step up in the real world, delaying their evolution into becoming men.

And if some of them muster up the courage to try to step up in the real world, they find it’s hard to do so, so they inevitably retreat back into tot he safety cocoon of the video game world where everything is soft and easy and can be attained through the pressing of a few simple buttons.

Like all drugs, video games seem harmless at first.

You try it out a little because you hear people say it’s good.

Experiment just to see what it’s like.

You find it’s pretty good.

So you try a bit more.

And a bit more.

And a bit more.

Until you’re free falling down this slippery slope that you don’t realize until you hit rock bottom.

And the climb up becomes twice as hard, because you never really experienced “physical climbing”.

Only “virtual climbing” with a push of a few easy buttons.                                                                   "

Motivational and Inspirational Thought of the Day

M.I.T. of Monday July 23, 2012:

"It may be tempting to focus on several things at once, but your mind
gets fried.

It's like a lion trying to chase 4 deer going north, south, east, and west. 

The end result is you're just tired and sweaty and you have no deer.

There is power when you focus on ONE.

Do you wave a magnifying glass on a hot day in 4 different directions while
trying to start a fire?

Or do you point it in 1 direction and hold it steady?"

I think this M.I.T. speaks true to my list of things I want to read and focus on that I posted yesterday. I need to focus on one. The question is which one. I'm listening to Michael Bolton's Go the Distance at the same time and I can't help but feel a desire to do something great with my life.

Sticky Notes Update: Thoughts I Desire to Make a Note Of

Sticky Notes Update as of Sunday July 22, 2012 (I am currently 20 now and it is the summer after sophomore year at college- these are my thoughts that were significant enough for me to feel the desire to write down and make a note of)  :

Quotations encompass one sticky note I had on my desktop.

“on days that i dont have much to do, aren't rushed like a nice blue-skyed summer day, i like to just walk around in a quiet neighborhood, or turn on the tv to the pbs or kqed channel and revisit the feeling of watching these shows i used to watch as a kid, or drive around while playing music at random and just tune into my emotions and thoughts and feelings and see where my feelings and thoughts lead me.” 

“one of my favorite past times and something i wish i could do more often is to sit in a quiet outdoorsy beatiful nature scene and see what thoughts and feelings come to me. like today, walking out of house and feeling the not too cold, not too hot summer beams on me, feeling the slightly windy breeze, looking up and seeing a vast blue sky, sourrounded by greenery here and there but not enshrouded by greenery, and seeing in the distance, the green santa cruz mountains with a misty, slightly foggy light grey clouds that remind me of jurassic park. not clouds that remind us of rain and are dark grey.”

“america's best hikes article: picture and description of yosemite's half dome park makes me imagine how i would want to feel when standing above that breath taking view. a feeling of awe, wonder, being with nature, and feeling a strong deep emotional connection and intimacy with someone.

come up with your list of questions that will lead to great deep conversations with people. conversations that energize you. instead of going into a hanging out session with a friend cold and without any real idea of what you want to talk about, think about some of these questions and discuss them with your friends when you hang out.

power questions list, america's 11 best day hikes article questions and experiences,

study joshua pellicer's pdf for what he mentions on deep rapport building

what you are working towards here is the improvement of your relationships with people. the quality of your relationships with people. a one of a kind, rarely had in this day and age society type of conversation that really explores the minds, life, thoughts, and feelings of another person. focused on sharing that emotion of emotional connection. this is a form of self-improvement.”

“why does it seem like i'd rather spend my day wandering back and forth in my house doing nothing really instead of reading the books i've downloaded and researched that i am interested in?

- noticed that during the day time, i would like to be out.

- it's not that im not interested in these books and projects of mine but during the daytime of summer, i want to do something exciting and fun. i imagine myself learning to rock climb and i would jump at that opportunity. i even dream of lying on the grassy green of a neighborhood park on a summer day and feel the soft breeze blow by me and even this imagination energizes and is something i would like to do. yet, in all my summers as a kid growing up, i have done no such thing. my life and summer has been boring so far. i wont be having many summer anymore. i've finished two years of college already. hopefully when i work per diem, and i have days off and time to myself, i may go lie on a patch of greenery in a nice and peaceful neighorhood on a summer day for the very first time.

- too many distractions? brother, sister, parents, my dog Lucky are all positive yet nonetheless distractions. The TV is a distraction. Sitting on the sofa and relaxing is a distraction. especially when it is easy to get comfortable and harder and more painful to get out of a comfortable position. the internet in terms of sites like yahoo, aol, nba just to give me that feeling of stimulation and energy as if, "oh that's an interesting article!" or "that's something interesting going on in the internet world". 

- perhaps im full of excuses and i really dont want things bad enough. to move from a c to a b life you need to talk to people. but whenever i meet up with a friend, what ive been doing never comes into my mind. i cant explain it. all this time of my summer has passed and is passing and yet day by day goes by and i can't explain waht i did yesterday. the fact is, i havent really done anything interesting and when i am in my own little world reading and working on my projects, things are interesting and lively, but once i meet a friend, the question, "how have you been?" or "what have you been up to?" is posed my way and i cant seem to answer teh question. the answer i always feel and give is, "not much". it's so odd. i need to talk to people to develop a greater desire level but what exactly do i talk about with others?”

“want more video recordings of myself at this age as i grow up and mature”

“david's downloaded program that increases speed of learning languages”

“which website described that men and women are similar sexually? in bookmarks or in multi-orgasmic pdf most likely.”

“many celebrities growing up unpopular?”

“organize folder for all your favorite songs”

“Things I Want to Invest Time in Right Now and Need to List for Organization:

-organize sticky notes and post to blog

-the geeks shall inherit the earth

-social problems a down to earth approach 10th edition by James M. Henslin. read the parts you are interested in and relate to unpopular kids in the geeks shall inherit the earth

-verbal judo

-tongue fu

-the multi-orgasmic man and kegel exercises

-tao of sexology

-auto

-ancient aliens books

-dolores cannon books

-watch disney movies and reflect

-zig zag diet and working out

-playing ball with friends

-having great, deep conversations with friends

-collect and organize your favorite songs                    ”              

“often times I think about how my mom’s relationship with my sister has impacted my belief of kids being annoying and perhaps not worth having.”

Celebrities Who Were Bullied In School

This is an article that lists Celebrities who were bullied in school. It feels a bit shocking to know that these popular celebrities did not go through life as happy and as glamorous as it seems, and that they had to go through times of hardship as well. I definitely feel more happy for them knowing that they had to go through tough times and now they are rich, have successful careers, and are happy- at least it seems that way.

http://www.listal.com/list/celebrities-were-bullied-school

Other great reads:

http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=dw-wetzel_georges_st_pierre_addresses_bullying_042611

http://youbentmywookie.com/wtf/author-suggests-geeks-make-better-adults-than-the-in-crowd-popular-kids-12457

Another Verbal Self-Defense Scenario: Playing Ball at Saratoga

Today I was playing ball at Saratoga High School's Courts with some friends. I was guarding this tall, lanky, and skinny Indian guy down low in the post. The ball knocked out of his hands and went out of bounds. This white teen with his shirt off was by our court getting a drink at the water fountain when he looked at my friend and said in a sarcastic and mocking tone of voice, "Woah man, was that a foul?!" My friend responds about a second later saying "no man, no foul" calmly although I sensed that he was a little rattled from the stranger's teasing comment. Although his response was decent, I feel my friend still got played. I feel a better response to deflect his comment would be, "ohhhh, I don't know man, maybe you can tell me" in a calm and joking manner, followed by walking away to completely cut the attack off.    

Perhaps just saying, "ohhh, I don't know man" in a calm and joking tone of voice is best as it cuts the conversation off right there. Ending in "maybe you can tell me" gives him a chance to respond and continue the attack. He may even feel compelled to answer back as he may feel he would be seen by his peers as backing off if he didn't respond to the seemingly rhetorical question. 

The key in these scenarios is to joke back respectfully and calmly and not answer his question in a serious tone of manner. Responding to his attack in a mocking tone of voice and saying, "ohhh, i don't know man !" would only entice him further and add fuel to the fire. The attacker's goal is to try and rattle you and if you can give a response that saves face for the both sides, it is the best response. 

My Example of the 5 Steps

Related Post: http://ml-thewayiam.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-notes-from-verbal-judo-youtube-video.html

Verbal Self-Defense in the Workplace:

Situation: In the middle of performing head to toe assessment on patient when he says:

Patient: “Stop touching me. Get out.”

Use 5 steps-method as shown in youtube video.

You: “Sir, with all due respect, finishing the head to toe assessment is important to ensuring the improvement of your health and the monitoring of your signs and symptoms. I need you to be patient with me. Okay?”

Him: “No, I don’t want you to touch me! Go away!”

You: “Okay, I hear that you’re angry. I got that. Let me see if I understand you correctly. You’re feeling angry because you feel like I don’t care about you and I’m just here to do my job and leave. You feel like you’re not as independent as you were prior to getting sick. Are any of those reasons true?”

Let him modify the feelings and/ or reasons. If he says nothing, continue with:

You: “Look, I know that you’re angry for reasons that you won’t tell me. The truth is, I’m on your side. I’m here to do what’s necessary for you so you can go home. You don’t want to be here. You want to go to your own home, kick your feet up on your table, eat your own food, relax on your sofa, be with your family, sleep in your own bed, get up on your own time, I want that for you. Now you can sit here and be as uncooperative as you can be, but you will only be prolonging the time you will be spending in here. And you don’t want that. Let me help you get out of here. Let me help you get better faster.”

My Notes From the Verbal Judo Youtube Video of Doc Thompson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btBw70HAys4&feature=related

Raise expectations regarding what they can personally do. Persuassion. Mention the negative, persuasion is done. See and mention the good and ignore the F.

(at 55 min) 2^nd nugget: you want to calm people down; one conclusion: project empathy. The moment you stop looking like the other, you lose your power to persuade them. You become irrelevant. Don’t use the phrase “I understand where you are coming from”. Empathy is something that is projected. Show them. Ex: you are talking to someone who is yelling at you. When you paraphrase you wrap what they mean in your words and you give it back to them. It’s his meaning and your words together. A mix.

You’re talking to someone who is yelling at you. Your job to paraphrase is to get what they mean. Not what they say. What do they really mean? And to do that, you wrap it in your words, and you give it back to them to ensure that you have heard it and understood it correctly. The formula for paraphrase gives you a third perspective in a two person conflict. It’s not his words and his meaning. It’s not your words and your meaning. It’s a blend of his meaning and your words. Here’s the formula:

(at 1 hr 8 sec.)

Your’re (feeling) because of _______? True?  ß you must be disinterested. No bias must be shown. First blank you put a feeling. The second blank, you put a reason or reasons. “okay, I see you’re upset, I got that, and you’re upset because you think I purposefully put you down the other night in front of the class. Is that true?”

Now notice what they can do to respond. They can modify the feeling section: “No I’m not angry, I’m disappointed”. They can modify the reasons. Or modify both.

The most powerful word in persuasion when someone is angry is empathy. The most powerful sentence to get someone angry to listen to you is, “Let me see if I understood what you just said”, while holding your hand out like a stop sign. “let me see if I understand you”. Nobody talks when you say that. It’s the only way to interrupt them and not generate a problem. When they feel like you don’t understand, they listen hard to prove it. It shuts people and doesn’t get them angry. It gives you control. You get control by paraphrasing. When people talk, words fly out, and so do their real underlying feelings.

Ex: I went to a house one night and the guy says, “Where the hell have you been?....(gibberish)”. Words of rage, anger, frustration.

You’re (feeling) because ________. True?

-          Under the feeling blank: rage, anger, frustration

-          Under the blank write 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

1.       “help me!” a burglary call.

2.       “what about my stuff?”

3.       Fear

4.       Violated

5.       Time. “where you been? It’s been three hours?” George Doc Thompson was late three hours while attending to other more immediate calls.

Never react to words. You respond. Responding is in control. Reacting is not.

Disciplining people: the secret of good discipline is to use language with no bias. You cannot discipline someone and show anger, condescension, irritation… the moment that you do, you lose power.

At 1 hr and 11 min.

Ex:  when taylor was seven, he was throwing a football in the living room. Thompson had just brought back a vase from Beijing and had put it in the living room. Doc Thompson quickly goes over and says, “no more, no more football in the living room”. “okay, dad, okay”. Three days later, Doc walks in and hears this loud crash and knows what it is. He walks in the living room and sees pieces of the vase and the football. He was homicidal. He quietly and calmly said, “go to your room. We had contracts. No football in the house. See you tomorrow morning. No dinner no nothing. 3 o’clock now, see tomorrow morning”. He went to the garage and hammered his bag until his knuckles bled. Took his anger out on the vase. Went to work that night and didn’t see him until the next evening. He didn’t mention the vase. Three days later he comes to Doc crying and apologizing.

Now contrast that to what is more natural and normal. You come in, there’s taylor, the vase, and the football. What’s the first words out of your mouth? Deep breath and, “ you SOB, you never listen to me, you never do what I tell you!”. Three sentences, three lies. So let’s say you now do the same thing and send him to his room. Having talked that way, do you have a different boy behind the door? Someone whose going to steep in the tea of righteous resentment. 16 hours thinking what? “I do to do good things, I do to listen….” By the time he comes out, he is worse that when you put him in. how many times can you do that to your kid without turning him into a nasty person? Who hates all authority because he hates his dad?

The goal of punishment is positive, so the language has to be positive as well. Now if you are angry with your child and you want to express anger, do it. Just don’t punish at the same time. Never show anger when you punish.

The Five Steps:

Step one: Ask.

Step two: Tell them why. Set the professional context. When you meet resistance, tell them why.  70% of people will do it if you just tell them why.

Step three: You Create and present options. First you deflect him with the statement: “Look, I hear that you are angry. I got that.” Then proceed the, “Let me see if I understand you correctly” statement. Then finally project empathy with the statement, “You’re feeling irritated because you feel your stay at the hospital has been unnecessarily slow and you want to be able to get out of here. Is that true?”

Four secrets to creating and presenting options:

1. Voice has to sound friendly and helpful.

2. When presenting an option, always give the positive first, then the negative, and remind them of the positive.

3. Be specific. Generalities don’t work. Paint a picture for them. Ex: Don’t just say “Go home.” Say, “Go home, eat, put your feet up, be with your family, sleep in your own bed, get up in the morning, be on time and be on time for work, I want that.” Use different tones of voice to persuade them.

4. WIIFM principle. What’s in it for me? People are selfish. Secret of good negotiation is to paint a clear picture in what they want. Think like the other and you find your way.

5. Confirm. “is there anything I can do to get you to cooperate and…”

Step four: confirm noncompliance

Step five: act- disengage and/ or escalate

Avoiding Questions

Strategy: Don’t answer the question the way they want you to answer it. Answer the question you wish they asked you.

The Player Example:

Her: “Are you a player?”

You: “You know, that’s very interesting. Many guys get a bad reputation for being attractive to women. They have good social skills, good conversational skills, they get along easily with women, yet immediately it’s assumed they are some kind of promiscuous, deviant, philanderer. I don’t buy into that. Do you?”

You see how you didn’t answer her question? You answered the question you wished she would have asked you. In this case, she is assuming being a player is a bad thing. So the question you do answer is, “Are players actually bad people?”

You’ve never had a girlfriend? Example:

Her: “You’ve never had a girlfriend?”

You: “You know, it’s interesting. Many guys get a bad reputation for being focused and hard working in their studies. Guys who want to improve themselves, guys who are currently focused on developing their future financial stability and freedom, yet immediately it’s assumed they are some kind of loner who hates people, have no social skills, or are losers. I don’t buy that. Do you?”             

You don’t go to parties? Example:

Him: “You don’t go to parties?”

You: “You know, it’s interesting. Some guys get a bad reputation for not being the life of a party, drinking, doing drugs, or anything else that most people associate with college life these days. These guys cherish the friends they have and form very deep and lasting relationships with them. They have good social skills, and care a lot about their friends, yet immediately it’s assumed that they are some kind of loner who hates people, have no social skills, or are losers. I don’t buy that. Do you?”

Resource: Carlos Xuma's Alpha Man Conversation and Persuasion Program

Conversational Aikido

Read this first:

http://www.datingdynamics.com/dating-advice-for-men-newsletters/get-better-social-skills.html

My own practice scenarios when it comes to conversational aikido:

_______________________________________________________________________

Him: “You’re gay!”

You: “Okay, and you’re an _____” (any of these can work: iguana, mouse, monkey, rabbit, squirrel, flying spaghetti monster, cucumber, alien) ß he jokes with you, you joke back. If he tries to fire back with either option two or three below, you expose his game.  

(Option 1) Him: “Huh?”

(Option 2) Him: "Yeah, dude, but you're still gay..." (Trying desperately to get a laugh so that he doesn't feel his value lowered. He looks insecurely at his buddies one-by-one to see if they are still responding. Pitiful.)

(Option 3) Him: “Yeah? Well you’re a _______. (Any derogatory name)”

You: “You know what? I see what you are doing here. You are trying to get a laugh at my expense. You keep doing that. You’ll eventually find someone who is impressed with your immature comments. You keep doing that. I’ll be elsewhere. Later, dude.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

Example from:

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/how-to-handle-competing-alpha-males/

My Practice Responses:

Him: “You’re doing well little buddy, why don’t you go be a sport and get me and this lovely girl a drink?”

Strategy: Identify his underlying emotion that motivates him to try and intercept your date and call him on that. In this case: jealousy

(Option 1) You: “Wow, that’s clever man! You are a clever guy! Trying to catch me off guard with such an underhanded question! You keep doing that man, it’ll work…uh…eventually. We’ll be elsewhere now. Bye.”

(Option 2) You: “That’s the best you can do? Look man, I know you may be a bit jealous of us here but you seem like a decently nice guy! Aren’t there any other women who may be interested in you?”

(Option 3) You: “Look man, I know you may be a little jealous about us since we are having a great time here but I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate being interrupted during a date either. Give us that common respect please and carry on with your day.”

(Option 4) You: “You want to buy both of us a drink? That’s great man! I can’t thank you enough!”

Main strategy: Do not react. Maintain a rational calmness, deflect and redirect his comment by bantering back if you can (avoid back and forth banter though as that would get you caught up in the game of being Mr. On the Spot Witty Guy), and call him out and expose the game he is playing to destroy his ability to make you look bad.  

________________________________________________________________________________

In this next case, this guy is a guy I know and play football with who every once in a while makes some cocky comments although it is unjustifiably so. I am after all, a taller, stronger, better conditioned, and faster athlete with more skills and confidence than him when it comes to basketball and football.

Him: “Look man, why don’t you guys punt the football? You guys aren’t going to make it.” (Relatively close to the end zone, on the last down)

You (Option 1): “Is that your only means to try and stop me since you know I’m bigger, stronger, faster, and a better conditioned athlete?”

You (Option 2):“Wow, am I really that unstoppable that you feel the need to make arrogant comments to try to stop me?”

You (Option 3): “Is that comment born out of ignorance, stupidity, or both?”

Now assuming the individual is similarly matched and makes that comment:

Strategy: Jokingly give in and blow it to an extreme.

You: “Yeah man, I’ll probably trip and fall and step on your face while I’m at it dude. So you better watch it.” (Eye roll)

If I wanted to expose his game: ask yourself, what underlying emotion motivated him to make that comment? In this case, if he is equally matched, it’s likely he has an ignorant and arrogant attitude towards others in general. 

You: “Look dude, you may be a good player but someone needs to teach you some humility. You may be able to get away with it with others but not with me. So save your cocky comments for someone who is impressed with your pompous and belittling crap because I most certainly, am not.” (Walk away)

Him: “That sounds rehearsed and inauthentic.”

You: “You’re right! But that doesn’t distract me from the fact that you are a cocky individual and I do not stand for that.”

Him: “I don’t care what you stand for!” (rude and disrespectful)

You: “I certainly hope you do not believe that. For you would be an individual lacking in morals.”

________________________________________________________________________________

Situation: A guy I know (who I’m not terribly fond of and who comes talk to me regularly when I’m in the gym) is sitting with two friends of mine and a girl at a table in the conversational area studying. I’ve been talking with my two friends and having a good time. The conversation with my two friends isn’t over, and he quickly and abruptly looks up from his table and says:

Him: “Can you go away?”

Strategy: You call him out on his underlying reason and motivation.

You: “I’ll go away if you really need to study but there’s no need to be rude about it. Btw, are you saying that more out of motivation to study? Or to seem more alpha for that girl sitting there?”

Knowing him, his most likely response is to just quickly say, “No!” But let’s say he doesn’t. How would you handle this scenario?

Him: “WTF, Are you trying to embarrass me?” (Situation Escalating; Need to Deescalate)

A response like, “Well, tell me, were you rude to me because you really felt the need to focus?”, will only escalate the situation. This is a defensive response that the person attacked won’t want to hear. These are the four steps to deescalate the situation:

1.       Hold your ground and breathe deeply.

2.       Break their pattern if they are screaming and out of control by repeating their name.

3.       Paraphrase to show empathy as discussed below in the youtube video of Verbal Judo: Diffusing Conflict with Conversation

4.       Focus on a Solution, close, and maintain peace

Appropriate response to deescalate:

You: “(His Name), look, I hear that you’re angry. I got that. And let me see if I’ve understood you here. You’re feeling angry because you feel like I put you down in front of your peers on purpose. Is that true?”

Let him modify the feelings or reasons.

You: “Alright (Name), I understand you feel _____ because I ______________. I apologize.” (Walk away)


____________________________________________________________________________________________

Situation: This was back in senior year of high school where a junior in my Calculus AB class made a huge scene about me not knowing how to play Texas Hold’ Em near the end of the year.

Him: “You don’t know how to play Texas Hold’ Em?!” OR “What have you been living underneath a rock?!”

I didn’t know how to respond. This is how I should have responded:

(Option 1) You: “Look, this is something that most people know how to do, while I don’t, so I’m sure you can understand why I don’t appreciate you making a scene out of it.” (Calmly)

(Option 2) You: “Why do you feel the need to attack me to make yourself seem better?”

Him: “I’m not attacking you! I’m just shocked that you do not know how to play?!” Go to the condescending apology game slightly below.

(Continued from Option 1) If he continuous:

Him: “Wow, I just cannot believe it though man!”  

This is another game Carlos Xuma talks about in his Power Social Skills Program. It’s the Condescending Apology Game. They are trying to defend and justify themselves. They are hoping they are going to slip that dig/ slight insult by. You need to make them clarify their point.   

You: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t really sound like an apology.” OR “I’m sorry, were you apologizing there? You didn’t really say you were sorry and were implying that it was still somehow my fault? I don’t understand. Is it my fault? Or what are you trying to say?”

Get them to clarify on what they are saying.
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Another Strategy: get them to clarify what they mean.

Ex: I was working out at the NW YMCA when a trainer that talk to with made a comment that seemed to be an unfriendly attack but at  the same time, I did not know what he meant. He was walking with a friend of his when he walked past me next to the cable flys machine and said:

Him: “This guy is such a tool”

This is how I responded:

You: “What does that even mean? What does that even mean?” I proceeded to ask his friend: “What do you think that even means?” His friend did not want to get involved and smartly said, “I’m staying out of this”, in a non-hostile tone of voice.  

I then proceeded to respond:

You: “Oh well, an effective tool if anything.” (In a nonchalant manner while turning around and walked away)

 I hindsight, I think I handled the situation decently. He didn’t get away with making that comment as I confronted him on what he meant and he decided not to clarify what he meant- hence him backing off.   

_________________________________________________________________________________

Sticky Notes Accumulation

These are some of the things I think about that I felt were worthy to jot down, that come to my mind when walking Lucky late at night or in bed right before I go to sleep.

Entered as of Tuesday; July 3, 2012:        

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1. verbal self-defense    

2. wing tsun

3. sound of your voice

4. body building project        

5. blogging, reflecting, and understanding your life

6. DeAnza school stuff

* no TV at all

* no sitting on sofa except for eating

* sleep at 11, wake up at 8: to do work to pursue your goals    

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BODY BUILDING PROJECT

- read zig zag diet page

VOICE DEVELOPMENT PROJECT

- Carol Fleming's sound of your voice

VERBAL SELF-DEFENSE DEVELOPMENT PROJECT

- carlos xuma's verbal self defense

Explore in your

mind!

books to read daily:

BURNING DESIRE DEVELOPMENT PROJECT

- brain kim burning deisre subscription

ANCIENT HISTORY LEARNING PROJECT

- Graham Hancock's FIngerprints of the gods

GUYS OF THIS GENERATION MODULE

- The demise of guys

- Lisa bloom's swagger

- read one national geographic magazine

- reflection time and writing for blog

- RN NCLEX prep book

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list of overall goals and daily to do list on YOUR BLOG

need a list to fit all the things you need to do daily to work towards your goals

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some way to video record yourself for future self to see and look back upon.

                       

get external hard drive during fourth of july sale at frys

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when most people ask, "how have you been?", in a way they want to know what has been happening, but the bulk of it is not just the daily trivial events but how you have been feeling. "how have you been feeling lately?", is a better question to ask. "what emotions have you been feeling lately?" is another one. If you need to, you can jot down your emotions of the day, week as they happen. if after a seemingly trivial event, you feel sad, write it down. if you feel happy, write it down to help you remember it and bring it up in conversation with a friend when they ask you "what's new?",  "what's up?", or "how have you been?". 

talk about your goals that you have written down there on that sticky note.

practice talking and video recording yourself for analysis regarding your blog posts for a long time and in depth as practice for talkling like this with tanuj (the type of conversations i want to be able to have).

discuss the books that u read. u read books. these things interest you so when someone asks "what's new?", bring it up and you can go into a whole new discussion from there. 

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record your conversations with anup and tanuj to analyze the differences.

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need organized place of my own to keep my books, things, things with sentimental growing up feeling and value.

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<-- these tips from yourself may seem silly at times. you may think, "oh these won't really make a difference!", but don't be too quick to discredit these tips. how much have you really tried to see if these tips actually work or not?

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sources of distractions:

- uncontrolled television use

- sitting on the sofa

(induces poor posture and laziness)

               

these things distract you from living and being present in ur own life. add sticky notes you have to your daily blog, to do list, and daily reflection. How tv robs you of your own life. Days of sitting and watching tv and at the end of the day, not even being able to state to others what i learned from watching tv science documentaries.

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phonebooth ex of verbal judo?

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for your blog: note out your to do list. ur notes and ur reflection, thoughts, and feelings on whatever you encountered in your day.

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sf zoo, young summer days with the late afternoon sunlight coming in, zoboomafoo animal adventure feeling mixed in as well

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cutting down phase with zig zag diet, voice development, brian kim's natural burning desire subscriptions, reflection time and writing for blog, nursing, verbal self-defense, technology of the gods, knowledge apocalypse, chariots of the gods, ancient aliens books (Graham Hancock author Underworld: The mysterious origins of covilization), David Childrish technology of the gods, palm reading, dolores cannon, visit nature bridges from field trip during elementary school and science camp during 6th grade middle school, read national geographic magazines, articles on introversion, read from sciencedaily.com, livescience.com, gods of eden bramley, philip coppens the ancient alien question

need projected schedule to organize day

smash mouth all star, soak up the sun, thor earth to asgard, the lion sleeps tonight song, follow me uncle kracker, the mummy 2 end credits soundtrack

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66+

91.8 kg

180.34 cm

1257.9 + 66= 1323.66 +

901.7= 2225.36-

136= 2089.36

New BMR as of Saturday; June 23, 2012: 2089.36

TIMES 1.375 (lightly active) equals  2872.87<-- my caloric maintenance level.

On high days: 575 calories

On low days: subtract 500 cal. is 2372.9. Divide by 5 meals to come out as 475 calories per meal.

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