"I want to die at a hundred years old with an American flag on my back and the star of Texas on my helmet, after screaming down an Alpine descent on a bicycle at 75 miles per hour. I want to cross one last finish line as my wife and my ten children applaud, and then I want to lie down in a field of those famous French sunflowers and gracefully expire, the perfect contradiction to my once anticipated poignant early demise."
- Lance Armstrong
Being in Saint Francis Hospital for the first time and knowing that this semester would bring on new challenges and learning experiences, I was nervous but excited to get going. My patient only speaks Cantonese so I found the language barrier to be a barrier to getting things done. There were times when my patient would try to communicate with me and he seemed to be saying something of significance to him as he would repeat the same sentence over and over again. Yet I looked at him trying to show him that I’m here for you, but yet not being able to help him with what he was trying to say. There were a few times when I was talking with the dialysis nurse regarding that this patient might be on his last legs in life due to his need for constant dialysis for the rest of his life and suffering from a hip fracture that would cause issues with mobility. As I am writing this, I wonder to myself what I would be thinking if I were in his situation. I wonder what emotions I would feel being in that uncomfortable hospital bed wondering if life would be worth living anymore. To be completely honest, if I was at that age and in this predicament, I would think to myself, “so this is what my life has come to.” “Did I get to do all the important things I wanted in my life?” Deep down I would be thinking about my life, my regrets, the things that stick out to me from my life and just in the back of my mind knowing that there were things I wish I could go back and do differently. Different choices I would have made in my life that would have led to a different and better road. For me, I am not satisfied with my life. If the rest of my life is a mirror of my first 19 years of life and if I were to be in his position at age 91 with tubes hooked up in me and not being able to even move and take care of myself, I would be crying deep down feeling that I have failed my dreams and that life has handed me the raw end of the stick. I hope he doesn’t feel that way, and I certainly hope I don’t feel that way if I live to be that old.
No comments:
Post a Comment