An Art Work I Truly Appreciate and Will Remember

In recent past weeks, with the exception of last week, I have been volunteering two hours every Saturday at a Sub-Acute Skilled Nursing Facility. There I visit patients that are chronically ill. Some of them are in real unfortunate positions in their lives where it's hard to see life improving for them. What I and other Tzu Chi volunteers do is to go there and to try to put a smile on their faces with our presence and compassion for them. It's really nothing miraculous or life-changing, but to be able to make them feel loved and cared for, for even a fraction of their day, counts and makes a difference. I wish I could heal them or be a conduit of some type to help heal them - I'm recalling an individual known as John of God who I've heard and read is doing wonderful healing work in Brazil. And from visiting these patients, I have learned and grown in ways that you cannot truly develop without witnessing the difficult situations some of these people are in. I've thought even more about my life, in terms of making sure how I want to live it, is how I want to live it. I don't mean to sound preachy, but helping others in need and making a positive difference in someone's life is such a cornerstone to living a meaningful life. 

The reason I'm writing this is because I want to post a picture of one of the mementos that a patient at the skilled nursing facility gave me. It represents and serves as a reminder of having compassion for others, for living a life with meaning, making a difference, and giving to others. I will not and cannot state the patient's name, but his art work has been touching, inspiring, and will always serve as a reminder to me to do my best to love others unconditionally. I know I will be looking back on his picture that he made for me and my family in the future, and in that moment, I will understand that this has been one of the many things in my life that has driven me towards my life's mission, to make a positive, memorable difference in the lives of others.

Remember, No Man Is An Island.

How to find fulfilling work, according to science

http://theweek.com/article/index/265841/how-to-find-fulfilling-work-according-to-science

How to overcome regret, according to science - Research confirms: You're more likely to regret the things you didn't do

http://theweek.com/article/index/264776/how-to-overcome-regret-according-to-science

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” - Galatians 5:13-14

This is in-response to this post: What About Me?

When I lay in bed at night, meandering in that state where the mind is still active, I frequently am bombarded with insightful thoughts percolating into my consciousness. I did yesterday, the night before my NCLEX-RN exam. It was related to my recent feelings of regret and shame, and as I was trying to decipher all what my emotions could tell me, I realized this: Be a giver of your love. That’s what I really want. I quickly jotted the following down in my phone: “It’s not so much that I dream about having sex with her, rather it’s the fact that I want to give the love of god to another person and share that love, especially after finding out what happened to her in her last relationship.” What happened to her in her last relationship bothered me and I won’t state it here. And part of me believed and fantasized how great I could make her feel, to give her all of me. That fantasy really appealed to me. If I had to imagine the same situation with a girl who showed interest in me while appearing to have it “all” and seemed to be unfamiliar to suffering, would I feel the same way towards her? Perhaps when you’ve suffered, you become more sensitive to the suffering of others, and want to do your best to help. And perhaps it’s quite naïve for me to imagine another person who has not suffered even if the appearance suggests that way. If I gave all of myself to that person, I feel like I might be “damaged goods”, after all, my development into becoming a better person has been a work in progress for a long time coming, and will never stop. It’s based off the belief that this girl’s too good for me, regardless of the naivety and veracity of this belief.

Nevertheless, I remembered back to a book I read with the Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness. In it, the Dalai Lama states that romantic relationships make people experience a much more unstable roller coaster ride of emotions, and states that he feels the fantasy of romantic relationships is unrealistic. Instead, he talks about not limiting intimacy to just your romantic companion, but to all people. When asked if he ever felt lonely, the Dalai Lama replied, “No”. This reminded me to the life of Jesus and how he lived his life and what he stood for: giving unconditional love to all people, to help others in need. The memory of me helping a guy out at the San Francisco Cal-Train Station then came to mind. It’s the feeling of doing something so small to me, but so significant for him, and the feelings of meaning, purpose, pride, and unconditional love came to me. It’s the same feeling I have in my fantasy with this girl my brother is seeing. I then realized that, you know what, even if for some reason I don’t pass my NCLEX tomorrow, that shouldn’t cause me sadness, as it’s really not the most important thing in the world. I believe what people most want out of relationships is intimacy, which comes from unconditional love, the love of Christ, the love of God, regardless if you believe in an afterlife or not.   

Surprisingly, as I think back now, these feelings of jealousy and regret did not explode to the same intensity and degree until I learned what happened to her in her last relationship. After finding out about it and honestly, in my heart, aching for her when thinking about it, these feelings of regret and jealousy intensified to where I felt I had to write them out to clear my head and feelings yesterday.

I am a very spiritual person, so my beliefs about having compassion and helping others fit perfectly into this puzzle. After realizing these things yesterday, I knew I have to give my love and desire to help those suffering to as many people as I can. Recalling that there is a blood shortage, I decided I wanted to give blood. 

Tuesday; August 5th, 2014: gave blood after NCLEX-RN Exam

I then thought of cases in my present life and the friends I do have, how I can show my unconditional love to them, and how and what I could give them. Not only is being a giver a trait of an alpha man, which helps with attracting women, but now I understand and have another motivation to do it besides just trying to get girls. People often think that we need to receive love to feel love, but in fact, the opposite is more true. It is the person who gives love who feels more love from all the people in his/her life. And when it comes to hitting the three main pillars that I believe yield in happiness: personal growth (self-improvement, having new experiences, playing); contribution/making a difference; and having strong, deep relationships with others; practicing giving unconditional love hits all three pillars to a tee.

Perhaps I can best conclude this post this way:

Hit rewind, Click delete, Stand face to face with the younger me, All of the mistakes, All of the heartbreak, Here's what I'd do differently 

I'd love like I'm not scared, Give when it's not fair, Live life for another, Take time for a brother, Fight for the weak ones, Speak out for freedom, Find faith in the battle, Stand tall but above it all, Fix my eyes on you… 

-Fix My Eyes for King & Country   

What About Me?

“Hello my name is regret. I’m pretty sure we have met. Every single day of your life, I'm the whisper inside, that won’t let you forget. Hello my name is defeat, I know you recognize me, just when you think you can win, I drag you right back down again, until you’ve lost all belief”

-          Hello, My Name Is - Matthew West

I’m wondering what 22 years of my quiet, introverted, shy, school-work oriented lifestyle has yielded in. I’m wondering about what happiness I have gained from it. As I sit here writing this, I feel unhappy inside. Feelings of regret, shame, fatigue, lethargy, weakness, anxiety, terrified, uncertainty are all percolating under my everyday stoic face and few words I make from small talk. I’d imagine that most people never guess that’s what’s silently cutting inside of me, eroding and quietly burning away at me. I suspect I look okay but I am dying inside. I intellectually get that there are people out there who have it worse than me, but WHAT ABOUT ME?! Are these people and I just suffering away, living lives of quiet desperation, while seeing other people who seem to have it better than us, only to feel that they DO have it better? I imagine a specific bald-headed TV doctor telling me what he told another guest of his, that I need to work harder and be patient, only for me to explode and say that I have worked so hard academically! But my lifestyle is still no different. I feel fucking miserable!

I am not proud of what I am about to say. From the list of emotions I wrote down, I am most troubled by regret and shame. Recently my twin brother got to know a girl. I had a chance, but I said no. He acted on it, and while for a moment I thought I could live vicariously through it, living vicariously is driving me down a spiraling path into a fantasy that has led me to regret, jealousy, shame, and anxiety. And I can’t seem to shake myself out of it, and what’s worst, I’m having trouble putting these selfish thoughts aside. He’s my brother. How could I possibly feel this way?! How could I possibly entertain the notion of if I had said yes? I cannot be this type of person. I just cannot. I am a good, moral person. I need to remember that I am young, decently good looking, great-bodied, smart, hard-working, moral, kind, understanding, ambitious, and adventurous person with grand dreams and potential for making them come true. I need to remember that I have had an opportunity presented to me before, and I didn’t take it, partly because she wasn’t that good looking but nevertheless. I don’t feel that I have had many opportunities. And being out of school now, where am I going to find opportunities now? Besides this, I’m also worrying over where I will find real friends in the future, how I am going to create a community, a history with people. All these things adding up are giving me anxiety. In addition, there’s still the problem of the constant mundaneness and dreariness that has been present in my life for years. All these things together are making me quite unhappy with my life right now.        

All I can do is to remember this: that I am young, decently good looking, great-bodied, smart, hard-working, moral, kind, understanding, ambitious, and adventurous person with grand dreams and hopes for the future with the potential to make them happen. Hopefully that future is here very soon. Just keep pressing on. That’s all I can do about it.

"Every Man Needs Adventure" Re-Blogged

Every Man Needs Adventure

by BRETT on DECEMBER 11, 2008 · 44 COMMENTS

in A MAN'S LIFE, ON MANHOOD

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Chris Hutcheson.

Wake up. Head to work. Work. Head Home. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

Wake up. Head to work. Work. Head Home. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

Wake up. Head to work. Work. Head H……time out. Is this as good as it gets?

What happened to living life to the fullest? Where is the daring adventure that we dreamed about as a kid? Many of us have lost the passion for adventure that filled our childhood, and as real men we should struggle to regain it. For in true adventure we find much more than the cheap thrill of adrenaline, we find ourselves. Adventure is the element of a full life that is perhaps most neglected in modern society, and it is one of the most crucial. To have grand adventures and be able to tell tales of them is central to manliness. The problem is that in our age of technological revolution we have written off adventure and exploration as things of the past, no longer necessary thanks to our newfound, ever evolving capabilities. Although true exploration, in the sense of discovering new things, is now mostly the realm of astronauts and deep sea divers, adventure is available to anyone. What we need to realize is that it is not the discovery of new things that is important for the average man, but the understanding of ourselves which we often acquire through high adventure. Perhaps it is best to look to an old pro in the art of adventure for some insight into the true reasoning behind it.

Sir Wilfred Thesiger (1910-2003), an English explorer best known for his adventures throughout Africa and the Middle East and for adopting the lifestyles of the nomadic people he often stayed with, became famous as the first man to cross the Rub’ al Khali, aka “The Empty Quarter.” The Empty Quarter is one of the largest sand deserts in the world, compromising a large portion of the southern half of the Arabian Peninsula. It is composed of 250,000 square miles of the most deadly terrain on terra firma, with sand dunes that climb well over 1000 feet and summer temperatures over 130 degrees Fahrenheit. Thesiger set out to cross this great expanse and planned to create a map of the region during his journey. He succeeded, crossing the vast unknown of the Empty Quarter not once, but twice, between 1946 and 1949. Recalling the first time he drank water without need to ration it upon his return, he wrote the following;

“For years the Empty Quarter had represented to me the final, unattainable challenge which the desert offered…To others my journey would have little importance. It would produce nothing except a rather inaccurate map which no one was ever likely to use. It was a personal experience, and the reward had been a drink of clean, nearly tasteless water. I was content with that.”

For Thesiger, and for many other adventurers before and long after, it was the adventure itself that was the prize, and the experience gained from it was worth more than any commemoration. He would later write;

“For me, exploration was a personal venture. I did not go to the Arabian Desert to collect plants nor to make a map; such things were incidental. At heart I knew that to write or even to talk of my travels was to tarnish the achievement. I went there to find peace in the hardship of desert travel and the company of desert peoples…It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey.”

Thesiger knew all too well that adventure offered greater rewards for a man than most other things in life. Not rewards in a material sense, but in the immense satisfaction of setting your sights on an achievement and accomplishing it.

Obviously, adventure isn’t what it used to be. Everest has been knocked off more times than you can count, they are paving a highway across the Sahara, and you can check out the secrets of the Amazon by satellite right from your laptop. But does all this mean that adventuring is a lost art? Hardly. As we have seen from testimony of a great adventurer like Thesiger, the thirst for adventure does not come from a need to map out new lands or discover new species, those are secondary objectives. The thirst for adventure comes from within ourselves. It is our inner desire to expand our knowledge through firsthand experience, to test the limits of our own strength and endurance, and in doing so, discover our true self.

The choice to live an adventurous lifestyle is not an easy one. It is very difficult to break free of the monotonous routine of daily life when you have been repeating it for years on end. You can easily come up with a handful of excuses why you shouldn’t book that weekend whitewater rafting trip, travel to a foreign country, or make an appointment for your first SCUBA lesson. I can’t get off of work, I shouldn’t spend the money, who will watch the kids, etc. There is only one way to break the routine, and that is to just do it. Keep in mind the words of George Mallory, known for attempting the first ascent of Everest;

“What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to live. That is what life means and what life is for.”

Perhaps it is time for men to seek to regain the element of adventure that originally drove those before us to cross oceans and vast expanses of unknown terrain with no hope of return. We need to bring risk back into our lives. If we are to truly embrace the adventurous life, we must find within ourselves the daring resolve to snatch up our mere existence and drive it to the edge of possibility, knowing full well that the future holds no guarantee for safety, prosperity or happiness and that a full life is not given, it is taken.

• Find the nearest whitewater and join up with a rafting expedition. Most rafting trips are very reasonably priced for a full day of adventure on the river.
• Explore the nearest national park off the beaten trail. Usually free or close to it, and you never know what kind of adventure you may happen upon, like exploring a hidden cave or waterfall.
• Skydive. Chances are it’s already on your bucket list.
• SCUBA dive. Although the equipment isn’t cheap, renting is always an option and the certification is usually for life.
• Take a road trip and don’t decide on the destination until you are far away from home. Just pack a little bit of everything and see where the road takes you.
• Climb a mountain. It doesn’t have to be Everest to qualify as an adventure. Few things compare to the feeling of accomplishment you get when you look down on the world below from the top.
• Find a local ranch that rents horses for trail rides. Many horse ranches offer this as an extra way to generate income, and it can be quite enjoyable. Trail rides are usually guided, so there is no need for the inexperienced rider to worry about losing control when Mr. Ed decides he’s had enough of carrying you around.
• Learn to surf. Many beaches offer cheap board rentals. Start small and maybe consider lessons. You definitely don’t want to head out to Hawaii’s North Shore alone on your first day out, or your first year out for that matter.
• Go camping. The fulfillment of building a fire from wood you collected and then cooking a meal on it is a wonderful thing.
• Hang-glide. The first few flights are with an instructor, so no need to worry about the trade winds carrying you off to Timbuktu.
• Take up Mountain Biking. Once you subtract the onetime cost of the bike and necessary equipment, this is essentially a go-anytime, no-cost adventure. Many state and national parks offer mountain bike only trails of varying difficulties.
• Learn to snowboard. Similar to surfing in that you can rent the equipment. Not similar to surfing in that there are trees in the way.
• Immerse yourself in the culture of a foreign country. This is one that everyone should consider. You never realize the kind of perspective you gain from being outside of your comfort zone in another country until you experience it firsthand.
• Bike across the country. What better way to see the US of A than upon your trusty steed, pedaling this nation’s highways and byways.
• Change your career. You don’t have to scale a mountain to experience an adventure. Quit the job you hate and seek out the career you always wanted. Go back to school if you need to. Head up to Alaska to be a commercial fisherman, or take off this summer to train to fight forest fires.

These are just a few ideas.  The opportunities are endless!!!

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/12/11/every-man-needs-adventure/

You Never Know What Something Is Like Until You Do It. So Do More, Think Less

This is a re-post of a great article written by Alexander Heyne from MilkthePigeon.

http://milkthepigeon.com/2013/02/21/the-8-biggest-life-mistakes-you-can-make-in-your-20s/

http://milkthepigeon.com/2012/04/05/successful-people-have-bigger-balls-than-you-and-that-may-be-all-that-matters/

http://milkthepigeon.com/2013/02/05/why-life-is-passing-you-by/

The 8 Biggest Life Mistakes You Can Make in Your 20s

3) Thinking You’ll “Figure it All Out” And Then go do Something.

Guess what. Most people live their entire lives without figuring it all out, and they don’t end up doing shit.

You’ve heard this a million times before, but there is almost never a perfect time.

Yeah I’ll admit some of us get lucky. We get that sweet business introduction. We get a scholarship to live abroad. We get a hook up from mommy and daddy.

For the rest of us? The more time you spend thinking, the more time you spend screwing yourself over. Grow some big-boy balls and take action. (Do More Think Less) [Vulnerability is the single most important characteristic in learning -- intellectually, emotionally, and psychologically]

I recently talked about how thinking is one of the major causes of unhappiness. (Do more things that put you in flow)

The same is true about “figuring your life out.” Trying to think it through is the absolute worst idea. I can tell you this because I’ve done it myself and it didn’t get me any closer to figuring out shit – and that’s when I learned that it’s fundamentally flawed.  You truly don’t know something until you’ve done it. So go do it.

“Which one will I like more? Being a doctor, lawyer, or teaching English in Korea?”

Here’s what you do:

Shadow a doctor. Shadow a lawyer. Talk to a family friend who is a doctor. Talk to a friend who is a lawyer. Go teach in Korea.

Yay! In 1.5 years you’ve answered the question you would’ve guessed about for the next 40 years.

Key Points:

1. There is almost never a perfect time, so don't keep waiting to do something you've been meaning to do.

2. You truly don’t know something until you’ve done it. So go do it. And do the things that put you in flow. 

3. The more you do the things that scare the shit out of you, the more you will learn, and the faster you will learn.