Love My Quiet, Alone Time in a Home, Close-to-Nature Environment

Nice feeling of being home alone. Quiet. No disturbance of thoughts. Really be able to tune into my thoughts, my objectives, write, read, for my blog. At that time I realized that if I closed my blog, there very well may be a time in the future where I would regret it. Just because I don’t have the true quiet and alone time in an environment that befits me, and it has caused me to fall behind and feel inundated by the work I wanted to put in, this does not mean I won’t in the future. That feeling, being able to really tune into my thoughts and goals is a terrific feeling. I really want and like that quiet alone time. The house entirely to myself, quiet environment, good quality safe environment and neighborhood, I can really tune into myself and work on myself. Of course too much alone time can result in feeling lonely, but I really love and need that alone, quiet, home-feeling, and close-to-nature environment.   

My brother is home with me right now. Wished it was just myself. Uuuuhhh, not living in tune to my values, desires, goals, and priorities can really be hell. I just thought of something special yesterday. A horrible feeling to experience is to be living a B level life, a life that is not terrible to the point of "living in the gutters" to the point where you cannot stand another second of living that kind of life, yet, it's not a life where you are truly satisfied with yourself. In a C level life, you cannot stand it anymore and you have the burning desire to overcome and work like it's not work, but at least you are making progress. In that sense, living a mediocre life can truly be hell. I don't know if I should categorize myself as a level B life. I feel I may be C level but I just have too many damn distractions in my life. I kind of hate to say it but family members can be a distraction. Especially if you do not have a room truly to yourself, it's non-stop people either talking, walking around next to you, making noise even by not talking, or having external stimuli such as the television blaring. I remember when I first started waking early, my family members would sleep late so I would have a good 7 or 8 hours before it got "busy" or disruptive to the point where I could not focus and tune into myself. I remember my sister, who is more of a natural early-bird, waking around 7:30, and when that time came in the morning, I always hated it because I knew she would start making noise and it would distract me from what I was doing, had set out to do, and just interrupted my nice, quiet, alone time to dedicate to myself. I guess it's one of the reasons why since summer actually started, I've been out of my waking early routine. For one, I can't have my alarm help me wake up in the early morning because my family members can all hear my alarm going off at 4:22 in the morning. It would definitely help me wake up and get motivated if I could listen to my alarm song: Love & Loss by Two Steps From Hell. Anyways, on non-class days, I wake around 8 AM, which is not terribly late but still feel disappointed at myself. But since I started waking early, my brother started waking up around 8, which cut down the amount of time I had to myself, which made me kind of really hate that other people were getting up earlier. God I loved to just be able to work on myself for 7-8 hours before others really got up and could distract me. Goddamn I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my environment and my life. I hate it! Especially when I do have desire to work on myself, but through these distractions, I've been making excuses for myself! I hate this feeling! I need to have that feeling of control over my life and what it is I want and need to do that day without feeling interrupted, disrupted, and distracted!    

I seriously believe that if I lived in my home by myself, I would be making a whole lot more progressive progress every day than I am right now! Shit I know that can sound like an excuse but damn it, it does not seem that way to me.