Am I Interesting?, One-Worded Introverts, and Why I Likely Won't Conform to go to Parties

I just came back from walking my dog Lucky, with my brother. I felt we had an interesting conversation and I made some points that were insightful.

-          I once heard Mukhil say, “Noel is so boring. He doesn’t go to any parties”. Noel is an introvert. I haven’t had the chance to sit down with him and really talk about life in private but he doesn’t seem to be a man of many words. Although that is not a fair assessment as introverts tend not to be too interested in everyday small talk. I thought about the statement Mukhil made. I’m not too talkative in general and I don’t go to parties either. Was I boring? At the time, I felt Mukhil may be right unfortunately as one time while with my good friend, I told him, “to be honest, I can’t say I’m too interesting myself, I mean, I don’t have anything really interesting going on right now. It’s all school related stuff that I spend most time on.” My friend’s response intrigued me. He said, “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re actually quite interesting with the things you think about and the questions you ask.” After telling me that, I felt good and thanked him. Now what’s the difference? How can one individual say that people like me were boring and my friend say the opposite? Was my friend just being nice? The difference lies in personality of the evaluator. Mukhil, although I doubt is an extrovert, is a major conformist and does what he thinks society deems is cool. That means he thinks whoever doesn’t go to parties and do things popular people are supposed to do, are boring. Extroverts get stimulation from the outside world so external events excite and interest them. Through those lens, those who don’t go to parties are according to their definition, boring. While if the evaluator is more introverted, he has a rich inner world full of thought and depth. He may find the inner thoughts, desires, fears, life stories, and deep conversations they have more interesting than going to a party where none of those things listed are abundant. That is the difference. I personally don’t find what the more extroverted individuals talk about very interesting, because I have more introverted tendencies. I have a rich inner mind and love poking and prodding to see what other people are thinking deep down and love to hear about life stories. Therefore an introvert may seem more interesting to me. Whether you find yourself interesting should be based on which of these two lens you pick yourself. I choose to base my level of fascination with myself with the things I think and ponder over, not solely with what external events have been happening with me.

-          In a post some time ago, I said that to have a deeper conversation, it should be best to find more introverted individuals. I still agree with this statement but want to make a clarification. Introverted individuals tend to enjoy one on one conversations more than extroverted individuals but extroverted individuals can make for good one on one conversations as well. There are some introverts who seem to have very little to say. There is one person in my De Anza Mythology class who seems to be like this. I found out he was a marine so I asked him several questions about his motivation to become a marine and why he is no longer a marine. Seems to be a relatively interesting conversation that doesn’t invade too much privacy but he gave one worded answers and he never got going about talking about his experience by any means. I know that introverts tend to prefer having privacy when talking about themselves so perhaps the fact that there were other people around made him hesitate about talking about himself. I know if I were to talk about myself, I don’t like having other people around who can eavesdrop on what I am saying. It could have been a possible reason for his one worded answers. I like talking to people who prefer these one on one conversations that go in depth, have emotional intimacy, and can be decently talkative. I know introverts can be very talkative when it comes to something they are interested in so perhaps finding what they are interested in and discussing things in depth are the keys to getting them talking.

-          My friend that I used to spend time with during the school year on Friday nights and weekends is leaving for Davis. I wondered to myself what I would be doing Friday nights from now on. I made a point discussing how I don’t view college as this great time, or best four years of your life time. I feel that for many conformists who aren’t good at parties or authentically enjoy them due to their more extroverted nature, they feel society says that college is supposed to be this huge party and the pinnacle of human experience. I feel like I can strongly state that I won’t conform because I know I don’t get the stimulation extroverts do from parties, college parties are not likely to be the place to have a personal and logical one on one conversation that I enjoy, and that I view conforming as a sign of weakness. College for me is purely a way to get to where I want to go in life and be able to live a lifestyle focused more on my freedom and pursuit of adventure and relationships. College is not a place for me to live it up. I know that if I work hard, I have a solid plan that can get me to live a life where I can focus more on what I want. My party is after I get my 18 months experience and can start working per diem or travel nursing which can help me attain freedom of time and money. I believe most conformists who try to live it up in college, do so because they know they will have to work a job that ties them down and limits their freedom. I believe they feel that college is their pinnacle of human experience to a certain degree. Whereas I simply do not see it that way. That’s how I view it right now. I certainly hope to find one or two people  I can  socialize with in more "introverted-style" but I think I'd rather keep myself busy and find my way than conform by going to a party where unless I drank, would probably be standing in a corner out of place.                

Do You Ever Imagine How Other People Feel When They Listen to Your Favorite Songs?

No matter which songs are in our list of favorite music, we all love them for the way they make us feel. So often I listen to my favorite songs by myself in the privacy of my own room. For some particular songs, I wonder how they make other people feel. I believe we all feel somewhat similarly when we listen to them together, but how do we know if we are actually feeling the emotions to the same degree? Some songs really get to me. I believe the environment and setting plays a significant role into feeling the emotions of the song.

My room has no lights on and the only light that comes into my room is that from the hallway, as my door is open. As I listen to the ending of The Lion King at night while lying side-ways on my bed and looking out the window into the dark and peacefully quiet night of my suburban neighborhood, there is such an unmistakable mix of feelings that permeates my mind and body as not a single thought comes into my consciousness to interrupt those feelings. As the soft, tender notes of the individual instruments unite to form the song, Can You Feel the Love Tonight, I feel a sense of loneliness that is not overwhelmingly sad or burdensome yet profound and even yearned for. This type of loneliness is a feeling I actually enjoy and want to bask myself into. As I write this I wonder why. Why in the world would I enjoy this feeling of loneliness? Perhaps it’s because this song elicits a mix of emotions including feelings of deep emotional closeness along with the feelings of loneliness. Perhaps the reason this song stands out to me more profoundly than any other average love song is because it elicits feelings of both extremes. It is because when I listen to this song, I can feel those feelings of connection- almost a soul like connection with someone- with the feelings of loneliness that together magnify for the ultimate expression of human connection.

The breaking of the fellowship soundtrack for the Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring elicits similar feelings as well. Feelings of despair, fear of the future and unknown, loneliness, misfortune, and pity for oneself arises and dominates the opening minutes, followed by a swift rise in hope and feeling of camaraderie stemming from an unexpected union and companionship that sweeps one off their feet when tender feelings prevail over previously capped-up burdened emotions. The vast majority of all emotionally powerful songs have a sad element to them. They wouldn’t be loved if they didn’t.

It might be possible that I am overly sensitive to the more powerful human emotions. But the sad thing is that we will never know. I can’t know with certainty whether someone listening is feeling the exact same emotions to the same degree as I am. The fact that we may all feel the same emotion generally but to varying degrees can be scary if someone can’t seem to grasp why you would feel so strongly about a specific song. Although there is no precise method we can use to measure our subjective experience towards our favorite songs as a method for comparison, it’s the belief that the vast majority of us feels very much the same way towards specific songs that allows these songs to thrive, to still be listened to, and loved to this day and on.              

Mind Mapping: The Best Way to Get the Most Out of Books?

This afternoon, I started researching the topic of men’s rights on my antifeminist friend’s saved posts on Reddit. Throughout my search of men’s rights on reddit, I came across an article called “What’s the difference between the men’s rights movement and feminism?” Having a paper to do on gender inequalities, I read the article and found it to be informative. Yet when I opened a new word document to begin to summarize the article, I found myself struggling to put words down on the page. I just read this article yet I couldn’t really summarize all the informative points that jumped out at me as I read it. Frustrated, I read through the first few paragraphs of the article again, and went back to the document. I found myself paraphrasing the author’s words. It was then when I felt a hidden frustration that has always plagued me when I read books. Reading books is a passive activity for the brain and it contributes a very poor percentage towards retaining information. I thought to myself, “goddamn! What’s the point of reading so many books if I can barely remember anything afterwards?” I remember writing a previous post on my blog about how to retain 90% of what you read. In that post I covered the fact that we learn 90% of what we teach others. I concluded that if we taught ourselves, in this case, the article I was reading, I would be able to retain 90% of it.

As I began doing this with Jared White’s article on the difference between men’s rights movement compared to feminism, I read a sentence, looked away and tried to repeat what I had just read. Disappointingly and frustratingly, I even had trouble repeating the sentence word for word with moments thinking to myself, “did I word that right?”, only to look at the sentence and see I had used different words to describe the same meaning. I knew intellectually that the sentence I had paraphrased based on memory had the same meaning, but a huge tension of stress harped on my shoulders as I thought how frustrating it was to try and learn through reading. Sadly, there was a part of me that wanted to give up on reading books due to their poor lack of retain-ability. I wondered what I would do with my time if I gave up on books. Would I just watch television? “What a horrible way to spend my time!”, I thought to myself. What was I going to do though? I yearned to learn things and improve myself but the methods I’ve learned from schools to use are horrendous towards actual learning!

Frustrated, I googled “what is the most effective way to learn something you read”. I clicked on “How to Learn (Almost) Anything” here: http://litemind.com/learn-anything/


Reading this article did not give me any new ideas as it was similar to an article I had read previously. As I was about to hit the back button, I saw a related post called “How to Recall an Entire Book in 5 Minutes or Less” that you can find here: http://litemind.com/how-to-recall-an-entire-book-in-5-minutes-or-less/

This article introduced me to the idea of creating a mind-map after reading. From the looks of the article, I am intrigued at how great this method seems to be at retaining from books. Perhaps this is the most effective way to learn from reading. I’ll be trying the method of mind-mapping and see how it goes.

What is Mind Mapping? (and How to Get Started Immediately)

http://litemind.com/what-is-mind-mapping/
 

The Path to Freedom?

The attainment of my freedom. Freedom of having to work a job 5 days a week that leaves me with not enough time to chase the feeling of adventure and emotional intimacy. School right now binds me. I don’t have the money right now to do what I’d desire, nor the time. I am a prisoner staring through the chain-linked fence over the horizon during a sunset just waiting to finish my time in school and to get my first 18 months of work experience in. My days as a teen have passed. I am 20, have been so for a little more than three weeks. I feel a bit sad to know that 20 years have gone by already and if I ask myself if I’ve been happy with my life so far, I can’t say an adamant “yes”, or “no”. As I sit here and ask myself whether I will be satisfied with my life in the near future, I get the feeling it won’t be in the middle ground. I will either start feeling more excited for my life or I may feel cursed. Right now I feel my life is a level C life. It’s not horrible, it’s not great, and I’m in limbo. Do I understand why some people do not like school and get bad grades due to a lack of hard work? Absolutely, yet I have less respect for people who don’t get at least decent grades. I am no terrific student. I’ve gotten a D before, had an F halfway through one quarter in 7^th grade that I ended up bringing up to a C, and performed well below average on the Pre-Calculus final that dropped my grade from a B+ to a C. I feel the stigma of seeing the amount of red marks on a test and hiding it as quickly as possible, only to over-hear about how other people did better than me. People who I can’t imagine them sitting as long as I did at a desk staring at the review material. I’m not much of a studier. Not one class out of all classes I’ve taken throughout my career as a student has interested me to the point where I would go pick up a book and explore the topic on my own time. Not one. Not AP biology in high school, not psychology, not history or literature, and certainly not Calculus. If schools were meant to inspire me to explore topics they teach in classes, they have failed miserably. If it was my job to be inspired by topics we learned in school, I have failed as well. It’s amazing I’d rather turn on the television and watch someone else’s drama on the Dr. Phil show-which is playing outside my room as I write this right now- than work and invest in myself. I have no interest in the majority of the classes I’ve taken in high school, and only a moderate level of interest in a few. Biology and psychology were the only classes where I had a moderate level of interest in. All those classes I took, what do I really remember from them? The amount of time I spent in classes, doing the homework assignments, and studying for tests has yielded such a minimal amount of retained knowledge. I’ve heard my dad tell me that school is a type of training for when you enter the work force. School is supposed to help you with your problems solving skills. I’m not sure the double-digit number of years I spent in school is needed to hone my problems solving skills. What an epic failure for schools and myself. Schools don’t deserve all the blame yet neither do I.

The thought comes to mind of how to differentiate myself from others and stand out. We all want high status, and status comes with power. Power comes from the application of insightful, esoteric knowledge and wisdom. There’s a saying that I wish I could find but goes like this, “The ways the majority do something is usually the wrong way of doing it”. The meaning being that the methods the majority of people use to accomplish something is usually not the most effective way to accomplish it. I love wisdom and secretive, applicable knowledge that can improve my life greatly. I have been a fan of self-improvement since late middle school as I desire to become better than others. Much of my life, I see many people display the illusion of their high status by wearing fancy clothes, the cap, expensive shoes, and wearing sunglasses on days where sunglasses simply aren’t needed. Deep down, I despise people who attempt to proclaim their status to people where ever they go through superficial means. Perhaps I’m much more sensitive to other people’s motives and hidden meanings to what they wear and how they portray themselves. I always loathe when people attain their status through means achieved without dedication and diligence. This is true for those who dress like celebrities, hip hop artists, or thugs with a cocky and smug look on their face. Just when I was walking my dog earlier, I was discussing with my brother about what we learned in sociology class, that drinking alcohol and smoking weed is a symbol for masculinity in American culture. The more I think about this, the more I fume at the display of people who seem to be naturally quick witted with a cocked tongue ready to display their extroversion, social dominance, and popularity for the world to see. After all, gregariousness is a symbol for confidence, popularity, and high status. I believe each of our own personalities are determined and largely influenced by our innate level of introversion and extroversion which have a genetic basis and our environment growing up at home and our experience early on in school. Both of these factors are out of our conscious control. Therefore the fact that these people were fortunate enough to have turned out less self-conscious, less anxiety prone, and innately quick witted at the tongue heightens my sensitivity towards the inequality that people who are quieter and more prone to socially anxiety have to deal with. This is another example of how others who were given an easier path towards higher status and happiness. Does higher status equal happiness? For someone going through high school or college, I will certainly state with confidence that those who go to parties and is popular with girls, is someone who gives the impression that they are happier than the individual who studies hours a day, has fewer friends, and not talked about with the girls. According to Alexandra Robbins, author of “The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth”, it is the same qualities that make them unpopular in school that helps them flourish after schooling.   

Out of my frustration for the superficial methods and the innate tendencies that gives one higher status, deep down inside me, I feel the need to succeed in life through determination and hard work. I refrain from using superficial methods to help me boost the illusion of my status. I feel the need to succeed. I feel the need to prove my worth to those kids who are popular. I know that sounds insecure but that’s how I really feel. I feel the need to one day in the future be someone who is admired and respected for the life I now can live. And to be honest, to see, on a whim, one of these popular, alcohol drinking, weed smoking, hipster dressed individuals years from now when I am in my prime and hear that tone of jealousy and/ or surprise that now it’s my turn to be the successful one in life. This is a dark and slightly evil fantasy I have deep down. I can’t tell you the number of times I have thought that, when I was in college and see groups of popular people laughing, or see a guy with an attractive girlfriend walking by. I feel like I’m a villain in a Disney movie plotting and wishing people ill-will. Do I believe my feelings are justified? Without a doubt. Do I advocate villains in society like criminals? Hardly, yet, I can understand those who have acted out in violent ways due to feelings of unfairness. I do not support what criminals do, but I can understand why people lash out, and unfortunately, sometimes people are pushed to their absolute threshold.

The Virginia Tech shooter, Seung-Hui Cho, committed an atrocity no doubt, but scarily enough I sympathize with the sufferings he went through.

Quoted from an msnbc article:

"Long before he killed 32 people in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history, Seung-Hui Cho was bullied by fellow high school students who mocked his shyness and the strange way he talked, former classmates said"

"The text, photographs and video in the package bristle with hatred toward unspecified people whom Cho, a South Korean immigrant, accused of having wronged him, adding to a portrait of a solitary man who rarely, if ever, managed normal social interactions”.  

“Once, in an English class, the teacher had the students read aloud and, when it was Cho’s turn, he just looked down in silence, Davids recalled in an interview with The Associated Press.

Finally, after the teacher threatened to give him a failing grade for participation, Cho started to read in a strange, deep voice that sounded “like he had something in his mouth,” Davids said.

“As soon as he started reading, the whole class started laughing and pointing and saying, ‘Go back to China,’” Davids said.         “

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18169776/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/high-school-classmates-say-gunman-was-bullied/#.UBoIX5KoGM0

I was lucky to have grown up in a culturally diverse area where schools were attended by those of the same or similar ethnicity and the majority of students were accepting and tolerant to differences in race. Is Cho the villain? Unfortunately he is. He was teased, bullied, humiliated, made to be the subject of embarrassment, shunned, and he is the criminal. He is the criminal. Of those killed who mocked him without mercy are mourned and their families empathized with. Vigils held for them. The cruelty of those students swept underneath the rug, into the darkness, to be forgotten. Their lasting legacies: they were the victims of a monster named Seung-Hui Cho. Can you feel Cho’s pain? His life ruined; the death sentence. All because people chose to join the fun and get a laugh at his expense over and over and over.  

To people I don’t know, I don’t defend the Virginia Tech shooter. To my closer friends, I sympathize with his sufferings and disapprove his method of retaliation.

I love clandestine, applicable, and powerful knowledge. Fuel to the fire. I rarely read a book in my free time that does not allow me to improve myself in some way. Justice is what people say they want. But we all know that’s a lie. We all want to be on top. We want to be respected, admired, and held in awe. Years from now after the end of high school, on a chance occurrence when we see that popular girl (or guy) we recognize from years past coming towards us down the street, we all want to be able to think and laugh, “boy haven’t the times changed eh?”, only to have them drop their head, stare at the ground, and shuffle their feet on by.        

 

Escapism: TV, Video Games, Porn, YouTube

Wonderful article by Brian Kim:

http://briankim.net/blog/2009/11/the-harmful-effects-of-playing-video-games/

"
It used to be video games were only played by kids. Now because of the advancement of technology in terms of realistic graphics and other factors, the market has extended to adults.

And you may be wondering what’s wrong with playing video games if you’re an adult.

The stigma is no longer there. It’s fun, it’s something to do when you get back from work, something to do with your friends when they come over, etc.

It seems harmless at first, but when you dig a bit deeper, you begin to find the subtle harmful effects of it.

First off, like any drug, it provides escape from the real world.

And there’s nothing wrong with that once in a while. We do it all the time when we watch movies or a TV show or read a novel.

But if you keep on doing that, if you keep on trying to escape the real world through video games, what do you find?

It slowly BECOMES your world.

You get addicted to it because you find the video game world much “better” than the real world.

After all, in the video game world, it doesn’t take much to become a “winner”.

To be somebody.

To be a hero.

It’s instant gratification to attain that status. Move around a joystick and press some buttons at the right time and bam – you can be somebody.

If you can be a hero in a video game, then why bother with the real world?

Why bother trying to improve when you can be a hero just by pressing some buttons at the right time?

You begin to subtly equate in your mind that becoming a hero is easy. It’s instant. And I use the hero term broadly here.

You can be a Superbowl champ. Be a leader of a clan. A general of an army.

That kind of endowment of virtual status distracts from the real world and cuts any ambition at the knees to improve in it.

Moreover, to rub more salt in the wound, you don’t even have that much time to devote in improving your life in the real world. The video games take up that precious time. And it’s not like you can cut it cold turkey. It’s meant to be addicting as well. The video game industry spends a lot of time and money to see how they can stimulate your mind to produce feel good chemicals when playing their games because after all, it’s good business. That makes you want to buy the next game and the next and the next gaming console as well, ensuring long term profits for those companies.

Young boys today are particularly susceptible to this. By constantly playing video games, they become stuck in this alternate world, where they are somebody, all the meanwhile, forgoing any desire to step up in the real world, delaying their evolution into becoming men.

And if some of them muster up the courage to try to step up in the real world, they find it’s hard to do so, so they inevitably retreat back into tot he safety cocoon of the video game world where everything is soft and easy and can be attained through the pressing of a few simple buttons.

Like all drugs, video games seem harmless at first.

You try it out a little because you hear people say it’s good.

Experiment just to see what it’s like.

You find it’s pretty good.

So you try a bit more.

And a bit more.

And a bit more.

Until you’re free falling down this slippery slope that you don’t realize until you hit rock bottom.

And the climb up becomes twice as hard, because you never really experienced “physical climbing”.

Only “virtual climbing” with a push of a few easy buttons.                                                                   "

Motivational and Inspirational Thought of the Day

M.I.T. of Monday July 23, 2012:

"It may be tempting to focus on several things at once, but your mind
gets fried.

It's like a lion trying to chase 4 deer going north, south, east, and west. 

The end result is you're just tired and sweaty and you have no deer.

There is power when you focus on ONE.

Do you wave a magnifying glass on a hot day in 4 different directions while
trying to start a fire?

Or do you point it in 1 direction and hold it steady?"

I think this M.I.T. speaks true to my list of things I want to read and focus on that I posted yesterday. I need to focus on one. The question is which one. I'm listening to Michael Bolton's Go the Distance at the same time and I can't help but feel a desire to do something great with my life.

Sticky Notes Update: Thoughts I Desire to Make a Note Of

Sticky Notes Update as of Sunday July 22, 2012 (I am currently 20 now and it is the summer after sophomore year at college- these are my thoughts that were significant enough for me to feel the desire to write down and make a note of)  :

Quotations encompass one sticky note I had on my desktop.

“on days that i dont have much to do, aren't rushed like a nice blue-skyed summer day, i like to just walk around in a quiet neighborhood, or turn on the tv to the pbs or kqed channel and revisit the feeling of watching these shows i used to watch as a kid, or drive around while playing music at random and just tune into my emotions and thoughts and feelings and see where my feelings and thoughts lead me.” 

“one of my favorite past times and something i wish i could do more often is to sit in a quiet outdoorsy beatiful nature scene and see what thoughts and feelings come to me. like today, walking out of house and feeling the not too cold, not too hot summer beams on me, feeling the slightly windy breeze, looking up and seeing a vast blue sky, sourrounded by greenery here and there but not enshrouded by greenery, and seeing in the distance, the green santa cruz mountains with a misty, slightly foggy light grey clouds that remind me of jurassic park. not clouds that remind us of rain and are dark grey.”

“america's best hikes article: picture and description of yosemite's half dome park makes me imagine how i would want to feel when standing above that breath taking view. a feeling of awe, wonder, being with nature, and feeling a strong deep emotional connection and intimacy with someone.

come up with your list of questions that will lead to great deep conversations with people. conversations that energize you. instead of going into a hanging out session with a friend cold and without any real idea of what you want to talk about, think about some of these questions and discuss them with your friends when you hang out.

power questions list, america's 11 best day hikes article questions and experiences,

study joshua pellicer's pdf for what he mentions on deep rapport building

what you are working towards here is the improvement of your relationships with people. the quality of your relationships with people. a one of a kind, rarely had in this day and age society type of conversation that really explores the minds, life, thoughts, and feelings of another person. focused on sharing that emotion of emotional connection. this is a form of self-improvement.”

“why does it seem like i'd rather spend my day wandering back and forth in my house doing nothing really instead of reading the books i've downloaded and researched that i am interested in?

- noticed that during the day time, i would like to be out.

- it's not that im not interested in these books and projects of mine but during the daytime of summer, i want to do something exciting and fun. i imagine myself learning to rock climb and i would jump at that opportunity. i even dream of lying on the grassy green of a neighborhood park on a summer day and feel the soft breeze blow by me and even this imagination energizes and is something i would like to do. yet, in all my summers as a kid growing up, i have done no such thing. my life and summer has been boring so far. i wont be having many summer anymore. i've finished two years of college already. hopefully when i work per diem, and i have days off and time to myself, i may go lie on a patch of greenery in a nice and peaceful neighorhood on a summer day for the very first time.

- too many distractions? brother, sister, parents, my dog Lucky are all positive yet nonetheless distractions. The TV is a distraction. Sitting on the sofa and relaxing is a distraction. especially when it is easy to get comfortable and harder and more painful to get out of a comfortable position. the internet in terms of sites like yahoo, aol, nba just to give me that feeling of stimulation and energy as if, "oh that's an interesting article!" or "that's something interesting going on in the internet world". 

- perhaps im full of excuses and i really dont want things bad enough. to move from a c to a b life you need to talk to people. but whenever i meet up with a friend, what ive been doing never comes into my mind. i cant explain it. all this time of my summer has passed and is passing and yet day by day goes by and i can't explain waht i did yesterday. the fact is, i havent really done anything interesting and when i am in my own little world reading and working on my projects, things are interesting and lively, but once i meet a friend, the question, "how have you been?" or "what have you been up to?" is posed my way and i cant seem to answer teh question. the answer i always feel and give is, "not much". it's so odd. i need to talk to people to develop a greater desire level but what exactly do i talk about with others?”

“want more video recordings of myself at this age as i grow up and mature”

“david's downloaded program that increases speed of learning languages”

“which website described that men and women are similar sexually? in bookmarks or in multi-orgasmic pdf most likely.”

“many celebrities growing up unpopular?”

“organize folder for all your favorite songs”

“Things I Want to Invest Time in Right Now and Need to List for Organization:

-organize sticky notes and post to blog

-the geeks shall inherit the earth

-social problems a down to earth approach 10th edition by James M. Henslin. read the parts you are interested in and relate to unpopular kids in the geeks shall inherit the earth

-verbal judo

-tongue fu

-the multi-orgasmic man and kegel exercises

-tao of sexology

-auto

-ancient aliens books

-dolores cannon books

-watch disney movies and reflect

-zig zag diet and working out

-playing ball with friends

-having great, deep conversations with friends

-collect and organize your favorite songs                    ”              

“often times I think about how my mom’s relationship with my sister has impacted my belief of kids being annoying and perhaps not worth having.”