I just came back from walking my dog Lucky, with my brother.
I felt we had an interesting conversation and I made some points that were
insightful.
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I once heard Mukhil say, “Noel is so boring. He doesn’t
go to any parties”. Noel is an introvert. I haven’t had the chance to sit down
with him and really talk about life in private but he doesn’t seem to be a man
of many words. Although that is not a fair assessment as introverts tend not to
be too interested in everyday small talk. I thought about the statement Mukhil
made. I’m not too talkative in general and I don’t go to parties either. Was I boring?
At the time, I felt Mukhil may be right unfortunately as one time while with my
good friend, I told him, “to be honest, I can’t say I’m too interesting myself,
I mean, I don’t have anything really interesting going on right now. It’s all
school related stuff that I spend most time on.” My friend’s response intrigued
me. He said, “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re actually quite
interesting with the things you think about and the questions you ask.” After telling
me that, I felt good and thanked him. Now what’s the difference? How can one
individual say that people like me were boring and my friend say the opposite? Was
my friend just being nice? The difference lies in personality of the evaluator.
Mukhil, although I doubt is an extrovert, is a major conformist and does what
he thinks society deems is cool. That means he thinks whoever doesn’t go to
parties and do things popular people are supposed to do, are boring. Extroverts
get stimulation from the outside world so external events excite and interest
them. Through those lens, those who don’t go to parties are according to their
definition, boring. While if the evaluator is more introverted, he has a rich
inner world full of thought and depth. He may find the inner thoughts, desires,
fears, life stories, and deep conversations they have more interesting than
going to a party where none of those things listed are abundant. That is the
difference. I personally don’t find what the more extroverted individuals talk
about very interesting, because I have more introverted tendencies. I have a
rich inner mind and love poking and prodding to see what other people are
thinking deep down and love to hear about life stories. Therefore an introvert
may seem more interesting to me. Whether you find yourself interesting should be
based on which of these two lens you pick yourself. I choose to base my level
of fascination with myself with the things I think and ponder over, not solely
with what external events have been happening with me.
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In a post some time ago, I said that to have a
deeper conversation, it should be best to find more introverted individuals. I
still agree with this statement but want to make a clarification. Introverted
individuals tend to enjoy one on one conversations more than extroverted individuals
but extroverted individuals can make for good one on one conversations as well.
There are some introverts who seem to have very little to say. There is one
person in my De Anza Mythology class who seems to be like this. I found out he
was a marine so I asked him several questions about his motivation to become a
marine and why he is no longer a marine. Seems to be a relatively interesting
conversation that doesn’t invade too much privacy but he gave one worded
answers and he never got going about talking about his experience by any means.
I know that introverts tend to prefer having privacy when talking about
themselves so perhaps the fact that there were other people around made him
hesitate about talking about himself. I know if I were to talk about myself, I don’t
like having other people around who can eavesdrop on what I am saying. It could
have been a possible reason for his one worded answers. I like talking to people
who prefer these one on one conversations that go in depth, have emotional intimacy,
and can be decently talkative. I know introverts can be very talkative when it
comes to something they are interested in so perhaps finding what they are interested
in and discussing things in depth are the keys to getting them talking.
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My friend that I used to spend time with during the school year on Friday nights and weekends is leaving for Davis. I wondered to myself what I would be doing Friday nights from now on. I made a point discussing how I don’t view
college as this great time, or best four years of your life time. I feel that
for many conformists who aren’t good at parties or authentically enjoy them due
to their more extroverted nature, they feel society says that college is
supposed to be this huge party and the pinnacle of human experience. I feel
like I can strongly state that I won’t conform because I know I don’t get the
stimulation extroverts do from parties, college parties are not likely to be the
place to have a personal and logical one on one conversation that I enjoy, and
that I view conforming as a sign of weakness. College for me is purely a way to
get to where I want to go in life and be able to live a lifestyle focused more
on my freedom and pursuit of adventure and relationships. College is not a place
for me to live it up. I know that if I work hard, I have a solid plan that can
get me to live a life where I can focus more on what I want. My party is after I
get my 18 months experience and can start working per diem or travel nursing
which can help me attain freedom of time and money. I believe most conformists
who try to live it up in college, do so because they know they will have to
work a job that ties them down and limits their freedom. I believe they feel
that college is their pinnacle of human experience to a certain degree. Whereas
I simply do not see it that way. That’s how I view it right now. I certainly hope to find one or two people I can socialize with in more "introverted-style" but I think I'd rather keep myself busy and find my way than conform by going to a party where unless I drank, would probably be standing in a corner out of place.
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