As I sit here at the law library typing this, I am wondering
about a question I thought about an hour ago. First of all, I want to remind
myself that no more than an hour ago, I wasn’t likely to be sitting here in the
library, writing this. Less than an hour ago, I was sitting in my boxers after
taking a bath, took out my contacts as my brother did and myself following suit
without making the independent decision to do so, and started feeling my mind go
into a state of drowsiness. The blinds being closed certainly didn’t help. Yet,
I am here now. Why? Because I sat there thinking to myself, “I can go lie down
and watch successive episodes of Two and a Half men and Rules of Engagement, or
I can go do what I need to do to improve and distinguish myself. Why do I feel
motivated lately, besides the fact that I witnessed Kobe Bryant’s own dogged
determination to succeed and prove his doubters wrong after recently rupturing
his Achilles? A few things. This past Saturday, I just had an exam, so the past
week prior to the test, I was already in a state of discipline where I was
practicing self-discipline. The fact that I did not do as well as I’d hoped for
does not help either. Seeing the Man of Steel Trailer in theaters before the
Jurassic Park movie in 3d played a part as it certainly reminded me of the hero’s
journey that I learned about from my Mythology class this past summer. Learning
about my upcoming senior one semester’s schedule is definitely contributing to
my desire to pursue one of my goals here. And besides the recent seemingly
trivial sources of motivation that has slightly lit a hotter fuse in my subconscious
mind that ever so gently waiting to go off, I can’t say I’ve felt this way just
now. I’ve felt motivated and determined for self-improvement and
goal-attainment all my life. And I mean, all my life. Of course, no one huge
event is responsible for my ambition but the question that I precluded this
post with is something that is, has been, and will be my main source of
motivation. And what is that question?
In your heart of hearts, what do people think about quiet
people? Regardless of what people might say when publically asked on the spot, I
feel like quiet people are looked down upon in our society. Quiet people are
looked as loners. Quiet people are less thought about, less talked about, and
if talked about, not likely to be regarded in a positive light. Quiet people
are less noticed, and considered to be nobody. Quiet people are unintentionally
ignored by girls, all the while, us noticing them. I don’t think people expect
us to make noise- not literally of course- in life. As I type this, I surmise
this reason as to why Kobe Bryant, who has been perceived to be quiet and
reserved, has become such a fierce competitor, besides his love for the game. “When
it comes to the game, the thing that is most important to me is winning. I want
to win, I want to win by any means necessary, I want to be the best. I want to
be the best, simple and plain. And to be the best you have to win. That’s why I
play the game. That’s what drives me.” Also, does it surprise me that the bulk
of my music playlist consist of two types of songs? Songs with elements of
sadness to them, and music that motivates me. Certainly I have songs that may
not fall into these two categories, but those are far and few in between. Songs
with a jolly, upbeat attitude have their place, but lose their vigor and
conviction faster than songs of despair and motivation. Do I want to be sad?
After experiencing the passing of my beloved dog, the answer is a surefire NO! I
listen to sad songs because they serve as the fueling ground for motivation. I love
that feeling of determination and ambition. The thought of going for a run at 5
in the morning and having one of my old high school classmates, who just had to
coincidentally be up early for that one day, see me working with a passion
gives me a feeling of satisfaction like little that I’ve experienced. It’s
similar to the feeling of being in the zone when playing basketball and no
matter WHAT the defender tries to do, it has all been futile for them. Followed
by the bonus of seeing and hearing signs of self-contained amazement and
frustration from someone that has never noticed you or thought much of you gives
me such satisfaction! That respect for being noticed NOW after time has passed
and the tables have switched is what I want. No wonder self-improvement has
been such a big focus for me in life. The desire to be the hero, to stand
apart, to individuate myself from the crowd, this is what I work for! I want to
live my life to my greatest potential and be admired. I want to live a life
where others, who were too good for me, will talk about in a commendable or envious
manner. Don’t get me wrong, not all my goals revolve around self-desired goals
that will only benefit myself. It’s far from that. I know that a life lived to
pleasure ourselves solely is a life that has made no impact on anyone. We all
have to decide who we want to be in our lives. We can all change the world, for
better or worse.
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