Day 13 & The Essence of What a Man Is

"Stuff is going to happen to us all.

It's how you learn how to react to that stuff that's going to make
the difference.

Remember everything that happens is neutral until you give it a meaning.

Feel that distance between event and response.

Often, we can't understand the meaning of events until time has passed
and we look back."

- Brian Kim MIT of March 21st, 2013



For some reason, throughout high school and even as a kid in middle-school- when I started finding myself consistently noticing and thinking about girls- I always knew in the back of my mind that not having a girlfriend and not having the typical adolescent short-term emotional roller coaster flings did not rock my sense of a long term developing-masculinity. I always knew that being in a relationship is not the determining attribute of a man. You may say, "well teenage girls are attracted to guys with men-like qualities, so if you're in a relationship, that gives substance that proves your worth, your masculinity." To which I would respond with this:

http://briankim.net/blog/2007/08/how-to-be-a-man/

One day in high school, I read this article for the first time in my life and a bright light bulb went off.  

Spectacular. Just excellent. The definition and passageway of a man. It reminds me of how and why so many teenagers and college students nowadays can still be seen as young-adolescents who need to grow up mentally, personality-wise, value-wise, attitude-wise, and generally, holistically in life.

The benefit of studying and implementing Brian Kim's plethora of wisdom is the undeniable truth that you will automatically be taking the road down to having your self-chosen noble direction and purpose; to be understanding your own values or where your "lines" are; making the sacrifices needed in order to pursue your direction in life; practicing the courage to sacrifice things in your life for a higher ideal; along with the thickening desire and engaging belief system to manifest the will, confidence, and strength to overcome ANY obstacle that stands in your way.

I love his point about the ultimate male fantasy, which is of utmost truth for myself: "Contrary to what most people think, the ultimate male fantasy is not a night of passionate love making with the most beautiful woman on the planet. It is having the will, confidence, and strength to overcome any obstacle set forth before him."

He relates this as to why men are obsessed with sports: "Sports provide a safe haven to showcase masculinity in the absence of other dangerous mediums that require it, such as warfare.

Direction, drawn lines, sacrifice, courage, goals, hard work, leadership, teamwork, planning, putting it all on the line, physical exercise, endurance - all of this mirrors the foundational essence of masculinity. All of this leads up to precisely what the universal archetype of man always seems to be:

The Hero."

The natural archetypes we have of men are soldiers who defend their country, firefighters who go into burning buildings to practice the apex of courage and self-sacrifice.

"It is this archetype, the archetype of a hero, who has noble direction, who has drawn the line, who has sacrificed, who has persevered and confidently overcome obstacles, who possesses the ultimate form of courage, the courage to sacrifice oneself for the lives of those around him and/or for a higher ideal, it is this definition of man that seem to permeate and transcend ALL cultures, societies, and religions around the globe, making it the universal definition of man."

And when I look at the steps Brian Kim has listed to becoming a man, I can't deny the fact that I'm feeling great about myself. Number two, Seek Out Older Men You Look Up To And Have Them Mentor You, poses an interesting question for me. Who are my male role models? Where have I gotten my values from? Several names come into my mind. When it comes to developing relationships and communication, there are a few that have and will pave the way for my development there. David Wygant and Carlos Xuma are two I admire and look up to because they teach how to build relationships based off authentic connection and communication with others, not your idiotic pick-up techniques and tactics with inauthenticity. And when it comes to the types of relationships I want with people, it's all due to my good friend who first gave me the opportunity to realize how satisfying a deep friendship was. Before that, the thought of talking about the more important things in life just did not really cross my mind, nor did I have the opportunities of this level of depth in conversation. Past conversations would usually reach a moderate level of depth and connection and it would halt there. My personality has played a big part of contributing to the type of conversations I like to have and it has also very much contributed to the infrequent opportunities to have this level of conversation.

When it comes to my values, a lot of them were set in by my parents and Chinese school I attended from a very young age until the end of 10th grade in high school. I am proud to have become and individual with compassion, integrity, humility, understanding, empathy, and honesty. Other values as to what I desire in my life has really been shaped by my childhood experiences mixing with other people's lives who I've come to admire and would like to experience similar experiences as them. Bear Grylls is one. I love his desire for the beauty of nature and outdoor adventure. I can really see how Man vs. Wild has contributed exceedingly to my desire for outdoor adventure and travel.

I can't summarize briefly and do even close-enough-justice to how much I've grown spiritually ever so gradually since late high school to early college to today. And my desire for self-improvement has really been an inevitable result of the entire accumulation of my life, although if you wanted to pinpoint a time of inception of my "official" self-improvement journey, it would be in early high school and I can even make a case for 8th grade.

I've grown physically with my weight training which started the summer after junior year of high school. Amazing that it's already been four years. And although I'm still muscle bound right now, I may have to adjust my physique according to the activities that I wish to pursue in the future. I shall see.

I've been growing in many facets of my life. I'm proud of myself, of who I've become, what I've done with my life so far. But with that said, there is so much more I want to accomplish for myself and for my fellow mankind. I'm far from being satisfied with what and how much I want to positively influence the lives of others. I don't think I'll be satisfied for a long time to come.