I feel confused at myself. I was talking about how this blog’s
purpose was to give me analysis and understanding to who I am and what’s
important to me. Yet often times, like right now, I feel burdened by this blog.
I feel as if I have to document everything. Every thought predominant in my
life, this story on my dog is something that is very important to me yet I find
myself being overwhelmed with the amount I have to write and amount of
information if have to put on this paper. My typing words just cannot catch up
with the thoughts spewing in my mind. I was thinking about everything being out
there, meaning beyond space and time, as scientifically evidenced in the fabric
of the cosmos and how it relates to what DC has found and what people like
Anita Morrjhan has found. I’m excited about all this information yet I feel so
overwhelmed by it. At the end of the day, what am I getting out of all this
understanding? All this writing here? What would I be doing if I got rid of
this blog? Time goes by every day, how can I possibly write about everything
that is going on in my life? I want to have it right or be free of the burden of
having it perfect and having it all. I want the recognition of knowing about
these things. To be able to show other people, look what kind of depth and
maturity I had at this young age.
The problems:
I want understanding but from this, what I want to understand
is colossal and is overwhelming me and I’d rather be rid of this feeling of
burden than not have it perfect the way I like it. I tell myself not to give up
and persist, that I’ll regret it I close this blog. I tell myself, just leave
it online and do not touch it when you feel burdened. Don’t close it. But I still
feel burdened knowing that there is this wonderful blog that I’ve started that I
feel is special yet I’m falling behind in terms of updating it.
What about my self-expression?
Self-expression, recognition from the world vs. feeling of
falling behind in terms of putting down thoughts
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